dottyspots

The answer to whether I’ll manage in a smoky pub is….. I wouldn’t. The cramps got worse and sickness is back with a vengeance. I went to be checked over Saturday night and need to go back on Monday afternoon. I’ve spent today wanting to throw up everywhere, with an achey back and headaches. I’m guessing it’s some sort of infection and I’ve been asleep for most of the day. So not good……

Arrrrgh, town in the lead up to Christmas, but was pretty desperate to pick up my new glasses (as my other’s are broken) and that overcame my not really wanting to go near the place at this time of year - plus the boys needed the usual socks and pants etc and R. needed shoes. I got Nin’s feet measured on the off chance and found her feet are a size too big for her boots how guilty did I feel! So had to get Nin some shoes - and this was after I’d bought a few CDs (if I’d have known I was buying an extra pair of shoes I wouldn’t have got the CDs).

I bought the John Peel Tribute CD which will be great for when I fancy an eclectic mix, the Best of Santana (I have stuff on vinyl but no record player - and Erk singing She’s Not There makes any singles collection worth the money ), Singles (Smiths) because again I have stuff on vinyl, but the tracks I’d generally choose to listen too were on this CD and the new Beastie Boys compilation Solid Gold for the boys to listen to (and a blast from the past for me, as quite a few people at school listened to them). Had a chat with blokey behind counter about Spear of Destiny as they’re playing locally on Thursday and me guesses that now Rik knows he’ll go, I quite fancy it but don’t know how I’ll cope with smoky pub gig ATM.

Feeling all knackered and very crampy, so going to relax, play Freecell and listen to Love Will Tear Us Apart - Joy Division (me thinks it’s time to update my playlist).

Cleaning is driving me mad - or rather lack of cleaning. Further from discovering that shoe-polish smells like freshly dug carrots and that it is possible to eat 30x30cm square of parsley for the garden in one sitting I am now going slowly insane over the fact that I want furniture polish.

I spent the trip to Leeds Ikea on Sunday dreaming of furniture polish. I can almost taste it, let alone smell it. Usually I wouldn’t use it, I wipe stuff down with a few drops of essential oil and a damp cloth (apart from the kitchen sides and the toilet which do get a clean with disinfectant now and again!) I know it’s horrible stuff, but my mouth waters just thinking about it.

I’m desperate to vacuum but can’t physically get to the cupboard as we bought quite a bit at Ikea and had it delivered on Monday and it’s taken up the majority of the hall (and the vacuum cleaner is under the stairs along with the carrot-smelling shoe polish). At present I couldn’t move it without doing myself an injury and there’s only so much Rik can clear it by putting it together in his time after finishing work. Yes I am sooooo pleased we’ve got it (even if I did forget to remind Rik to get the small bookcase I needed for my files - which now means they’re all in boxes and adding to the chaos in the kitchen) - but the accompanying mess is not good.

In desperation I spent Monday emptying the kitchen cupboards, re-arranging, writing an inventory of food, typing it, printing it off and sticking it on the inside of the food cupboard (although I also included what was in the freezer). I then moved on to the shed and almost burst into tears because it needs vacuuming and I can’t reach the vacuum - and YES I know that’s irrational, but at the time I really wanted to vacuum it. I was limited to what I could do as when I tried to move the mower I felt rather ill and had to sit down.

Tuesday I didn’t even realise I hadn’t eaten breakfast or lunch until I happened to glance at the clock and realised it was past 14.30 - poor Nin must have been starving (R. had given her breakfast though!) By the early evening I couldn’t walk and Rik had to help me up the stairs.

I’d planned to go into town today as there’s a few things that I need to get, but this morning found that I couldn’t walk very well either R. went to buy some milk and furniture polish ( ) and all he could find was one trainer and one of Erk’s school shoes - yes, Erk had cheerfully set off this morning in one school shoe and one of R.’s size 6s (even though they’re much bigger than Erk’s shoes and trainers, as opposed to *shoes*). You guessed where the other shoes are, behind lots of flat-packed furniture. Luckily I had a pair of cream trainers under my bed and he had to borrow those, go to the school, give Erk his other school shoe and pick up his own.

The shop wouldn’t sell him furniture polish as apparently it’s a solvent and he might be buying it to ’sniff’ and shouldn’t he be at school anyway?

So I’ve had to manage with no furniture polish as I doubt I’d make it to the bottom of the street, let alone the shop. My plan had been to sit and polish the window sills, thereby getting the smell but sitting (which has to count as resting, right?)

I’ve no hope of buying parsley locally, the nearest place I know of is the next village. Carrots with mud on would be good too, but supermarkets sell them washed and the organic box delivery hasn’t had any muddy ones just lately either TBH this feels worse than when I gave up smoking. The craving is driving me slowly mad. The people across the road have recently creosoted their fence and I found myself standing by it inhaling deeply a couple of days ago. Aaaaargh.

Apart from that I’ve been feeling decidedly odd. I don’t really want to eat anything apart from carrots and parsley and I’m all crampy and it’s making me snappy and unreasonable and I know I’m being snappy and unreasonable, but it doesn’t appear to be helping.

Oh and I had *another* letter from the LEA which has indicated in no uncertain terms that said ‘advisor’ will pointedly ignore any comments I make re. what is actually legally required of me (and any request by myself for him to confirm exactly where under the law I am failing in my responsibility as a parent that means he can continue to harrass me - which of course I am not, hence the request can’t be answered). It is clear that he is intent on being intimidating because he hasn’t got his own way (despite the fact that I’ve quoted various case law to him about my obligations, which have been fulfilled by the rather comprehensive report I sent). It rather brightened my day in a way as atleast it was some light entertainment as I have finally found someone who is absolutely intent on getting their own way with no consideration for what is actually required by law and thinks that they can bully and intimidate me. LOLOLOLOL. Not going to happen……

Time’s still fairly chugging past. It’s been a bit of a ‘challenging’ time as R. has taken a bit of a spiral down on the behaviour front and I’m finding dealing with his bad temper increasingly wearing - the difficulty being that although he is 11 years old, socially he appears to be much younger, but of course all people see is a child who they generally think is older than he is (because of his height), who speaks well, etc. so it comes as rather a shock when he has a meltdown and collapses in a tantrum on the floor because he’s lost his favourite little rubber dinosaur (out of a cracker).

I know I should work with him where he is, but as he gets older some of his difficulties become ‘more obvious’ and harder to deal with. In addition he is furious because Erk gets to go to more ‘activities’ with him - and it is very difficult to explain that I know that he would not cope with many of the things he wants to do ATM. His latest complaint was that he was ‘discriminated’ against because Erk is moving up a swimming class next weekend and will get to go swimming for an hour (only for next week mind) rather than the usual half and hour, so why can’t he do the same? This is on the back of him being ‘discriminated’ against because the flu jab is offered to older people or people with a particular health condition (he made a point of shouted this at the surgery and complaining to the nurses, who looked a little perplexed and explained exactly the same thing as I had, that the flu jab was for target groups of people and a strapping, healthy lad such as R. should be fine fighting the virus should he contract it).

Added to the shouting out in the street that a group of young men were obviously drunk and pee-ing in someone’s bush (this was in the evening) and complaining that a group of children are smoking and they’re too young (which was true, but you can imagine what would have happened if I hadn’t been with him) - he is heading for a lot of trouble. Yes, technically he is right that these things shouldn’t happen, however, he is also very likely to get a punch in the mouth for his trouble (and it wouldn’t be the first time, bearing in mind his arm was broken by a group of children after 2 years of bullying).

He seems to have developed an automatic lie facility - in that he will claim he hasn’t done something when it is clear he has (or I have even watched him do it). He is constantly sniping at his brother and criticising anything I suggest and right now a residential school does appear to be very tempting (although not really an option).

Of course he is furious because we won’t let him go out to play, because we just cannot rest that he would be sensible or safe (especially after his younger brother informed us of a recent incidence when they went to the shop on the corner). He is insisting that he should go to Cubs as well (even though he’d be in Scouts) regardless of the fact that he hates groups of people, noise and being told what to do. He is demanding taking archery lessons (oh yes, because a child who refuses to be told what to do by anyone save for me - and believe me he will try and argue, but you’ve got very little hope otherwise - is going to be safe with a potentially lethal weapon in his hands). At present he’s struggling coping with the swimming lessons, although he is progressing well with the actual swimming.

Group activities just aren’t an option ATM - and this had led to further difficulty as TBH I have a need to get out and see people and Nin appears to enjoy a bit of time out. MIL was supposed to be watching R. one day a week so that this could happen (and he prefers to go there than to the group and apparently is a real help whilst there) - but this hasn’t been happening and TBH I’m starting to feel rather annoyed and let down. I was supposed to be doing a First Aid Course today and MIL had offered to have the children whilst I did it (it is a condition of my registration - but I really wanted to do the course anyway). I phoned her to see if everything was still on yesterday to be told that she is ill. Thing is, the last time I asked for a bit of help on the childcare front to attend a course she didn’t even turn up and told me later she was ill (so essentially didn’t even phone!) and I have a feeling she wouldn’t have bothered phoning this time round either, so I would’ve rushed around in the morning, taken the kids into town to meet her and there would be no-one there :0(

So rather p****d off. Of course people can’t help being ill, but it is happening with such a regularity that I’m struggling to be sympathetic as it’s not as if I’ve even asked for a babysitter so that I could have a night off, it’s so I could attend a couple of courses. I’m p*****d off with Rik as well, because whilst I appreciate he’s working 7 days a week, I’m more than a little annoyed that he was given lots of notice of when the course was but couldn’t take the time to watch the children either whilst I did one little thing for me, for a change - perish the thought I tried to do something simple like get a haircut (which I’ve wanted for around a year now!) I’ve explained that taking the children with me just isn’t an option (but clearly he has no experience of trying to get a 2 year old to sit still whilst someone cuts your hair, whilst your 11 year old complains that the radio is too loud and someone has ‘funny’ hair or they have a ‘crap’ haircut).

On the plus point, R. appears to be enjoying the Mesopotamia project (when he isn’t complaining about something else) and Nin used a potty for the first time.

I keep thinking about blogging but just not quite getting around to it. I’ve not been feeling on top form, so have pretty much stayed off the PC.

Nin’s birthday went well. Kris & co. came round for a little while and had fun decorating cakes.

As she has been obsessed, of late, with pushing anything she can around, we bought her a pushchair (and a travel cot) and she has been happily pushing dolly about and then putting her to bed. Dolly is also sporting some new knitted trousers and a cloth nappy.

She also has some lovely new slippers and a very pink bag and purse (so she spent the entire evening doing laps with the pushchair around the house whilst ‘going shopping’). I’m still making the coat to match the pink trousers for Dolly, but I haven’t been feeling particularly motivated as of late.

I have got some more pics, so will get round to posting them at some point. She was terrorfied of the caterpillar birthday cake (and cried and cried) and was not convinced by the idea that she should blow the candles out. Still, on the whole I think she had a lot of fun

I’ve had a couple of visits to hospital. I finally had to chase up the GTT I was supposed to have at 28 weeks and finally got an appointment for first thing Monday morning. Blood tests are not something that I enjoy and this wasn’t helped by the fact that when she went to take the second lot of blood, the midwife/phlebotomist/whatever-she-was couldn’t find a vein in my right arm and so had to go back in the original hole (after treating my right arm as a pin cushion was not happy - she did apologise, but it’s not as if it was her fault, just crappy veins in my right arm.

Last Friday I went to a meeting at the local family centre (which is due to become a Children’s Centre as per the governments ‘10-year plan’ or whatever they’re calling it ) I’m hoping to take over as childminding co-ordinator for the village and want to be in a position to liaise more with the centre and be involved in the plans (as the place is currently a building site). Now is the time to be doing it. Ex-manager was very nice (new bod had just taken over as we held the meeting, but couldn’t be available - however both bods work for the same charity and ex-manager is still helping out whilst new manager finds their feet). A bit disappointed about the 41 place nursery due to open up on site (to be run by an outside agency apparently), just not a positive move IMHO, not least because I simply don’t like daycare nurseries - I’m in the camp of the best carer for a small child is mum, followed by a HOME environment which is what a childminder can offer - IMHO nurseries result in the institutionalisation of children from almost birth, not least for various other reasons - but I’ll start to slide into a rant. Anyway, back to the point, the village doesn’t need another day nursery as the demand for childcare isn’t there, so a bit bizarre, even with the explanation that it’s to fulfil eventual demand (?!!!!!!) Strange, strange, strange, but apparently beyond the charity that runs the place’s control as funding always comes with strings attached.

Hopefully I’ll find out when I’ll here about the co-ordinators post and then I can get moving a bit and try and get organised and keep on top of what is happening and hopefully throw in a few suggestions along the way (well, always worth a try).

Anyway, must get on, as feeling really stuffed up and probably should be learning the verses for Thursday’s circle time.